, author: Ermakova M.

What is the strength? How to become a strong person

"Strong personality" is perhaps one of the best compliments. Experts will talk about the development of inner strength.

The modern world is ruled by leaders - people with a strong character, able to inspire others by their example. Is it possible to become such, to “pump” this power in oneself? Experts say that it is.

What is he?

What distinguishes a strong personality from others? What character traits does he/she have? According to psychosomatologist, neuropsychologist Ekaterina Tur, a strong person:

• Self-confident and able to take the initiative. A sober assessment of abilities, a bold manifestation of oneself, an active life position.

• Knows how to build relationships with other people, find an approach to them. The ability to conduct a conversation, to negotiate with others, taking into account both their own and their interests.

• Responsible for own actions and decisions, does not take on someone else's responsibility.

• Learns from his mistakes. Perception of failure as an experience, a way to become stronger and more confident.

• Openly expresses and shows his emotions. Excellent understanding of my feelings and their causes, open voicing of emotions: I am dissatisfied, I doubt; I'm upset; I am angry.

• Autonomy. Understanding that all people are separate and complete units, that they should not be in merger (be halves of one whole). This quality allows you to protect yourself and defend your personal boundaries.

• Different from others, chooses to be himself.

• Does not envy. Sincere joy for the achievements of other people.

• Acts regularly. The ability to set a goal, its implementation, possible correction in the middle of the path, if an error is detected.

• Develops. Continuous improvement, development of necessary skills.

• Enjoys life, understands that it is not a draft, does not give up at the first miss.

She is supplemented by a psychologist, coach, general director of the NLP Institute in St. Petersburg Arkady Bondar:

"In order to be strong, you must:

- First of all, conquer your weakness within yourself. Stop telling yourself that I'm weak, stop limiting yourself to the limits of your abilities and focus on doing what you need, want, important.

- Take responsibility for what happens in your life. Recognize that it is you, and not someone else (mom-dad-government-other people) who is responsible for what happens to you and will continue to happen.

- develop self-discipline and self-organization, that is, learn to control your behavior, thinking. Set goals, reflect, introduce good habits into your life, manage your time yourself - without this “strength” will not work. “The strongest is the one who has the power to control himself,” wrote Seneca, and one cannot but agree with him.

- be mindful of others. Develop empathy to understand the people around you, thank them for what they do for you. Strength - it is always also in helping others, being honest and open towards them.

An analogy with sports is appropriate here: to play sports you need strength, but by playing sports you get strength. The same goes for strength of character.

Get stronger

And if parents, life circumstances and other factors did not reward you with an initially strong character, then what to do? Psychologist, author of the book “My Therapy. Diary for working with a psychotherapist ”Anna Aronshtam claims that the character can be “turned” in the direction you need:

"The very first step to increasing inner strength is to analyze the environment in which you live and work. It is impossible to learn new strategies while in daily contact with people who constantly complain, scold everyone around and indulge their weaknesses. Strive for those who want to and is ready not to wait, but to act.Go to communities where people are united by common goals and help each other to maintain motivation.

The second step in building character is setting goals and keeping the promises you make to yourself. Keeping your word to yourself is the foundation of your self-respect. We are often focused on obligations to other people, but for a sense of our own power, it is more important how we correspond to our own ideas about what kind of person we want to be.

The third step is to learn to understand your feelings and states. If you do not curb your anger or resentment, you will never be able to truly control yourself. At any moment, everything can go wrong, because emotions will take over. Analyze situations that become triggers for unwanted behavior - look for what supports you lack in them and how to prepare yourself for them in advance.

Comes from childhood

Vyacheslav Sigunov, Senior Lecturer at the Department of Psychology at Synergy University, recalls a social experiment once conducted by Emmy Werner, a specialist in child and adolescent psychology. She observed seven hundred children (starting from the moment of gestation and ending when a person turned 30), noting the effect of stress on their development. 65% of the respondents grew up in normal conditions, the rest - in social discomfort. “Children from a disadvantaged environment reacted differently to the stress they experienced in their lives: some of them, by the age of ten, began to have problems in mental development and behavior. By the age of 18-20, many of them had already committed crimes or were in psychiatric hospitals.But some of the children who were exposed to stress in life grew up as self-confident people who not only strived for personal development, but also took care of their loved ones.The strength of the spirit of these children was explained, on the one hand, by the support of parents or guardians, with the other (and most importantly) spoke of inner strength and the ability to act with dignity in a situation of permanent stress. Strong children from an early age showed independence and firmness of character, "the expert notes.

Coach Irina Pronina is also sure that the strength of character is manifested from childhood:

"If mom and dad believe in a child, understand, help overcome difficulties, focus on his achievements, not mistakes, always support him, then there is a great chance that the child will grow up to be a strong, self-confident person. If parents scold for mistakes , do not pay attention to the emotions of the child, communicate with him from the position of "adults are smart, children do not know how and do not understand", then a strong personality will not grow, but many complexes will form.If an adult is not a strong personality, but has beliefs nurtured by parents: “I’m inept,” “I can’t do anything,” “no one loves me,” “the world is dangerous,” “evil people” — some dramatic life circumstances can correct him. , love, money, publicity, a person can undergo changes and become stronger or weaker.

Strong personality and personality strength are two concepts that will always attract the attention of people regardless of gender, age or social status.