, author: Ermakova M.

Therapist called reliability the cause of loneliness

The inability to refuse is born in childhood. It is important to "not let" him into adulthood.

From childhood, each of us hears about the need to help and give in to others. This leads to the inability to refuse - a person who is used to responding to other people's requests and requests loses the ability to hear himself. The inability to say "no" can cause many problems. The psychotherapist Yevgeny Fomin spoke about them.

According to him, the reliability of the child is trying to earn the love of parents. “It is important for such a person to hear the praise and enthusiasm of others, and especially relatives. The child hopes that these enthusiastic speeches will reach the ears of their parents and they will begin to be proud of the child,” says the specialist, noting that for this the child can try to achieve success in school, sports, other activities and endeavors. The psychotherapist emphasized that children often perceive reality distortedly. Any denial of attention / affection / joint pastime they take for dislike. And it is here that the "roots" of reliability are located.

Helping someone (in childhood or as an adult), a person receives exactly the emotions that he dreamed of receiving from relatives - respect, acceptance, gratitude and even love.

This is a direct path to loneliness. A person who constantly helps others lives to the detriment of himself. He is of interest to others only as a source of help.

Fomin clarifies that a psychotherapist can help get rid of dependability. The client, together with the specialist, learns to correctly but firmly refuse, and also receives life strategies without people abusing someone else's responsiveness.