, author: Ermakova M.

Second chance in love: when is going back to your ex a good decision?

Cycles of breakups and reconciliations are associated with decreased relationship quality and increased symptoms of depression and anxiety.

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Many regrets in life cannot be undone: we cannot go back in time to accept a rejected job offer or continue studying for an exam we failed. It's even too late to realize that the partner we had a while ago was right: you don't know what you have until you lose it. If you're starting to think that your breakup was a mistake and that your relationship can still succeed, you may still have time to get the one you consider the love of your life to want to come back to you, and you give a friend friend a second chance.

Many couples give themselves a second chance, and in these cases, the first reason is that over time, the pain goes away, so it seems that we only remember the positive aspects of the relationship we had. That is, what seemed like a problem to us when we were together loses strength over the months, and we do not attach much importance to it if we are interested in returning to our previous partner.

On the shore of the lake.

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Cycles of breakups and reconciliations are associated with decreased relationship quality and increased symptoms of depression and anxiety. The more times a relationship ends and starts again, the less likely the couple is to be happy in it. But not all rekindled couples fall into this carousel.

Why give yourself another chance

Positive people who believe in change will certainly offer the relationship another chance to learn from mistakes. It may also happen that you will reflect, and from a distance you will be able to admit your own mistakes as a couple. All things considered, a relationship is a relationship between partners, each of whom influences the other, and if one of them changes, then so can the other.

In addition, there are other reasons that force us to renew relationships, such as the fear of being alone. We stick to the positive aspects of our partner, the closeness, the fun, and tone down the aspects that caused us to distance ourselves. Sometimes they are more important than those that brought us together, but the fear of not finding another person forces us to return to the same relationships, psychologists note.


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Other reasons may be that there have simply been vital changes that give us the opportunity to return because the reasons were external. Or social pressure, connections with the family or friends of the ex, which prevent us from moving forward and sometimes it seems to us that it is easier to renew the relationship. Each person will have different motives and it will depend on each person's reasons, fears and ability to forgive.

How can they work

A second chance can work if the reason for the breakup is clearly identified so that it can be fixed so that there are no more difficulties between you both. This is achieved if the couple has good communication in order to learn from each, be able to put themselves in the other’s shoes and negotiate changes.

We must not make the same mistakes that ended it all, and for a relationship to work, it is important to have good communication and the ability to express the positive and the dislikes with respect, learn to resolve each of the conflicts that arise in a constructive way, trust your partner, alienate him from yourself and others.

It is necessary to give the opportunity to enjoy each other both as a couple and one on one. And the obligation to take care of the relationship is also important: love lasts if you take care of it at least a little every day, remembering the other and not doing things that you wouldn’t like in relation to yourself.

Couple in love near the river.

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For this to really work, it takes time to be able to think deeply and avoid repeating the same mistakes, accepting some aspects of the other and your own that may not be changed. And trust that everyone will do their best to make the relationship work, take care of her and put a lot of love into her to build a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

There is no one right criterion to give yourself a second chance in love, since it depends on the feelings, whether the emotions still exist in both of you. In addition, it is important to clearly understand the reason for the previous breakup.

Yes, it is important for everyone to reflect on the mistakes that may have been made so that they can be forgiven and bet on mutual change and each other, it may be appropriate to try again. Coming back with the intention of making the relationship better than before, with open communication and an ongoing commitment to take care of the relationship and not forget about everyone is an indispensable ingredient for success.