A difficult age: how to build harmonious relationships with teenage childre

Many people associate the period of adolescence with carefree youth, new discoveries and the realization that life is ahead of us. But few of today's adults remember how difficult it is to live through this age emotionally. Puberty period is characterized by increased susceptibility of the adult to any stimuli, hyperemotional, tearfulness. Therefore, relations in the family at this time can not always be harmonious. How to avoid conflicts and decently pass the crisis of adolescence? A few tips for parents from experts.

What is it like, this age?

Veronika Sementsova, a children's motivator and Master Proforienitologist, distinguishes the following periods of transition age:

1) the adolescent stage (11-15 years), in which the issues of relations with relatives and peers become important, and the crisis of relations is vividly played from the age of 11. In this period the situations which concern: occupied roles in a family, importance of authorities in a family and family rules, level of trust and style of relations of the child with the mother, respect and acceptance of the father are played out most sharply. The less clear the family rules were to the adolescent earlier, the less consistent chains of "action-consequences", the more difficult this period will be. Here it is very important to maintain the balance of the child's freedom of choice without losing the freedoms of the parents. If there was a lot of inhibitions and devaluation from the parents during childhood, this period will pass as difficult as possible for everyone.

In any situation where you have not been able to come to an agreement with your teenager, it is necessary to contact a specialist who will not only resolve this conflict, but will also teach you how to negotiate with each other further. You need to introduce family rules and agree to live together, respecting each other as much as possible.

2) the stage of early adolescence (15-18 years old), in which a conscious and active way to the choice of future profession, as a logical end of the school program, comes to the forefront, and the crisis of worldview, starting from the age of 15, is vividly played out;

The worldview crisis is played out starting at the age of 15;

And if during the first period it is necessary to take into account the fact that in front of you is still a child, the second period requires treating the teenager as an adult.

I can hear you

"A teenager is still the same child, but with awakening hormones that he can't control. His body does not know how to cope with this condition, parents do not explain what and why. It turns out, the child is left alone with the transitional age and reacts as he can and knows how.

Adults can't live it for the child, but they can explain what is happening to the child.

Tell them that mood swings are normal during this period. It's normal to be happy, to want to cry, to want to kill everyone. It is important to talk about it so that the child does not feel like an outcast.

Talk to the child more. Don't lecture, but talk, tell them how the hormones start to work. The body can whine, because it grows faster than muscles, tendons, joints, and in general internal organs," says crisis psychologist Svetlana Balaban. She insists that parental admonitions are useless, much more effective will be equal dialog and attention to the emotions of the child: "Pay attention to tears, to increased anxiety is not typical of your child.

Especially in grades 8-9. Here, if you miss the anxiety and declining self-esteem, the consequences can be severe. Up to and including depression and suicide. The task of parents is to help, not pressure.

Unfortunately, according to statistics, now more and more teenagers mentally can not cope with the information load and then a neurologist or psychiatrist prescribe anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants. And this is the scourge of modernity...

Children have not yet experienced life, and the psyche is already failing.

Therefore, if your child has become withdrawn, crying for no reason at all, nervous, anxious, aggressive. You try to talk, and the answer is a wall - look for a good psychologist!", - urges Svetlana.

When to sound the alarm

Psychologist and family counselor Emma Ryman listed the situations in which it is better for parents to use the help of specialists, because it is very difficult to cope independently:

1. Prolonged and acute conflicts. If conflicts become permanent and seriously disrupt family harmony.
2. Serious changes in behavior. Abrupt changes in the teenager's behavior, such as anger, depression, isolation, refusal to communicate or study.
3. Problems with self-esteem and self-harm. Low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, or suicidal thoughts.
4. Problems with the law and addictions. Involvement in illegal activities, drug or alcohol use.
5. Difficulties in adjustment and socialization. Difficulties in communication with peers, problems with adaptation in school or other social circles.

The specialist emphasized that it is important for parents to be ready to adapt to the needs and desires of their growing children during this period, to listen to them, to support them. But the main thing is not even this, but constant communication with the child, involvement in his/her life.