Negative relationship scenarios: how to meet "your" person?

For each person, harmonious, happy relationships with their significant other are important. Respect, warmth, and love are what each of us needs. But, unfortunately, not everyone manages to create exactly such relationships. And even if we think about the reasons for failures on the love front, we are not always able to correct the situation.

In relationships with new partners, we face the same troubles that we had in previous relationships. We look for the reason for such scenarios in ourselves and do not find it.

Reasons

Psychologist Andrey Gryaznov talks about what prevents people from building happy relationships.

"Unfortunately, it is the experience of past relationships that prevents people from building real ones. Yes, it is the negative experience and patterned behavioral habits and attitudes that prevent them from creating those very harmonious relationships and as a result:

- Short-term relationships and almost always with the same scenario and ending;

- Approximately the same type of man;

- A feeling of happiness only in the first three months, and then everything is as usual;

- A feeling that you are always loved more than you are;

- You come across only abusers or infantile men/women," he clarifies.

"Of course, the question arises: why is everything happening like this and with me in particular?

The answer to this question lies not only in the experience of past relationships, but also in the examples of family models and relationships that we saw as children.

Parents are the main example for us of how relationships between a man and a woman are built. If there were toxic relationships in the family, then it is impossible to understand how to build healthy relationships. If we were not taught to love and were not shown the value of a man and a woman for each other, then we do not have the right example before our eyes and sometimes we build relationships in the likeness of our parents. A daughter can suffer like her mother, or, conversely, feel guilty for being happier than her mother.

A man will meet women with whom he will be because it is convenient, and not because he loves," says the expert, confirming that all our attitudes come from childhood.

Questions

And yet, how can you find someone you feel comfortable with among so many people? Andrey Gryaznov claims that in order to meet your person, you must first understand what kind of person you are. Honest answers to the following questions will help you figure this out:

• What are my values;
• What are my principles;
• How do I treat people;
• What do I like to do;
• What inspires me;
• Am I an optimist or more of a pessimist;
• What irritates me in people, society, the world;
• What am I striving for;
• What do I want from life

It is extremely important that the basic aspects of your personality, which are determined by the answers to these questions, coincide with the characteristics of the person with whom you decide to build a relationship. If one of you, for example, loves and respects all people, and the other is not distinguished by humanity, a harmonious union will not work out.

It is equally important to answer the question "why do I need a relationship?" Because if you are looking for a person who is simply able to cover your material or emotional needs, it is also unreasonable to count on a long and happy relationship. After all, the union of two people implies a mutual exchange of certain resources, and not a "one-sided game".

Understand yourself

According to the expert, there are also a number of internal aspects that are important for building long-term and joyful relationships. For this, it is necessary

• have strong self-esteem;
• understand your personal boundaries;
• know your self-worth;
• be able to communicate correctly with the opposite sex;
• have your own life, so as not to dissolve in a man/woman;
• do not carry the burden of childhood trauma, parents' example or sad experience of past relationships;
• understand the psychology of the opposite sex;
• be able to trust;
• be responsible for your life.

Don't look for and wait for the proverbial prince on a white horse. Take care of your inner world, develop your strengths - this is what will attract the right person into your life.