In Fact: The Real Reasons Behind Marital Infidelity

Many people are encouraged to get married by the prospect of creating a long-term, trusting relationship that increases the joy of life. But sometimes, instead of joy, the union of two people is “saturated” with mutual discontent. In turn, this becomes a reason for adultery.

According to family psychologist Anna Elizarieva, people are conditionally divided into two types: those who never forgive betrayal and those who try to understand the reasons for infidelity.

Escape from reality

"Cheating is a consequence of broken contact between spouses. In this case, it becomes an attempt to escape from problems and close your needs elsewhere. For example, to get approval, attention or admiration from another person instead of discussing it with your partner.

Of course, most often this happens unconsciously. When there is a difficult, crisis period in the family, it seems that another person can temporarily solve the problems and help to forget. But this is a trap, because the problems will not evaporate," says Anna.

"If one of the spouses is constantly dissatisfied with their partner, tries to keep everything under control, then this leads to tension within the family. And if both are dissatisfied with each other, then this is a nuclear mixture of unpleasant emotions and negativity. In order to somehow relieve the tension, a third person may appear who will take on the function of "discharge", because with him it will be fun, good and there is no need to solve family problems," she noted, thus characterizing cheating as an attempt to escape from reality.

And more...

In essence, an unsatisfactory reality is one global reason for infidelity in marriage. But within this reason there are many factors that at first glance may seem insignificant, but in fact are extremely important for each person. They were listed by family psychologist Natalia Gracheva:

Unfulfilled emotional needs

One of the main reasons for cheating is dissatisfaction, and not exactly in sex. When one of the partners feels a lack of attention, care, love, support or understanding, they may seek these emotions on the side. Emotional isolation and lack of intimacy can push a person to seek comfort and support from another person.

Lack of intimacy

Physical and sexual intimacy play an important role in relationships. Lack of sexual activity, incompatibility in preferences or dissatisfaction with the quality of sex can lead to the search for new sexual partners. People can cheat to satisfy their sexual needs that are not satisfied in marriage.

Desire for variety and novelty

Some people cheat because of the desire to experience new sensations and emotions. Routine relationships can cause boredom and a feeling of stagnation, and a person begins to look for new experiences on the side. The desire for "variety" can become a strong motivation for cheating.

Personal problems and dissatisfaction with oneself

Internal conflicts and personal problems can also cause cheating. Low self-esteem, a midlife crisis, a feeling of dissatisfaction with one's life or career can make a person seek confirmation of their significance and attractiveness through cheating. This can be an attempt to increase their self-esteem and feel better.

Relationship problems

Another common reason for cheating. Dissatisfaction with a partner, frequent quarrels, misunderstandings, resentments and disappointments can lead to a person starting to seek comfort and support on the side. The inability to resolve conflicts and restore harmony in the relationship can push one to cheat.

Lack of common interests and goals

Lack of common interests is not a problem. Men and women are very different in nature, so finding common interests is very difficult.

But when partners do not have common goals, the relationship may become less meaningful. Different life paths and aspirations can cause a feeling of alienation and disunity, and for good reason: some goals in life are unrealistically reconcilable. For example: “I want children, but he does not” - and how can you find a compromise here? This can lead to finding a person with whom you can share your interests and goals.

The influence of the environment and society

Lifestyle, environment and social pressure can also affect the tendency to cheat. Cultures in which cheating is considered the norm, or an environment that encourages such behavior, can contribute to cheating. Examples of friends or colleagues cheating on their partners can lower moral barriers and make cheating more acceptable.

Is it possible to break a streak of cheating in a marriage? A difficult question, since it is hardly possible to forbid something to an adult. But at the initial stage of life together (and later this will become a habit and the norm), experts recommend that spouses communicate confidentially, talking about their desires, needs and emotions. This will help to better understand each other, which means that there will be no need to seek understanding on the side.