An unreliable relationship? A psychologist on friendhip between sexes

Many people deny friendship between a man and a woman, believing that in such a relationship one is necessarily in love. however, such friendship is also possible without dramatic overtones. Psychodramatist Olga Malinina clarified this delicate issue.

"There are a lot of friendships between men and women now... The younger generation is more asexual and is brought up in an open field of information," she explained, specifying that one must first learn about the details of this friendship, the circumstances that brought the friends together, and only then draw a conclusion about the possibility or impossibility.

Categories of friends

According to the expert, intersex friendship is possible if

- a man and a woman were romantically involved in the past, but they parted without mutual resentment or grievances. This category is rare, because in friendship after love it often happens that one of the "friends" still hopes for a renewal of the former relationship and for the sake of it keeps the appearance of friendship;

- "Friendzone" - one of the "friends" is in love, and the other uses these feelings for his own benefit or simply because he is flattered. It happens so that both realize the specificity of this friendship, but calmly accept it;

- common interests - a man and a woman are not in love with each other, they just have common interests - they read the same literature, play the same sport, etc;

The thin line

Olga Malinina emphasizes that friendship between persons of opposite sex that began without any romantic overtones may well transform into love over time. People grow up, get wise, change, so do not be surprised if you realize that the person who previously attracted you with his inner world, suddenly became interesting in a sexual way.

And here the popular concept of "friendship sex" - just an excuse for one of the parties do not want to take responsibility for a full-fledged romantic relationship. When the relationship is based not only on sex, but also on some kind of sincere affection for the partner, such relationships require a return, emotional or otherwise. Everyone wants to accept love, but not everyone is ready to give it away. "Such an offer is a banal attempt to take advantage of the other: 'I don't want to exert myself too much, and here you are. Why don't I take advantage of you," says the expert.

Not just a friend

Knowing that a partner or spouse has a friend of the opposite sex often makes the other partner jealous. But such jealousy can also arise toward other friends, relatives, or even work - toward any person or activity with whom/where the partner spends more time.

"The question is whether there is contact between the spouses and whether they are willing to talk and discuss and find out what is really behind their grievances and suspicions. Any third one is a magnifying glass that shows that there is a difficulty in the relationship that is causing all the attention of the spouse to shift to someone else."

In other words, the way to solve this problem, as well as many others, is quite ingenuous - a conversation, a dialogue with whoever is around. It is important to come to a solution that suits both, while not limiting the other in the right to be friends, communicate and spend time with those whose company he is interested in.